sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
