Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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