Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
