we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
