Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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