God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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