he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
