...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
