my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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