Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize