Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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