Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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