I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
