She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
