i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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