nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
