He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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