No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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