if you like me you must not know who I am
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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