she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
