AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
