Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
