Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
