I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
