everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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