And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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