Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
