my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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