how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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