I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
