I'm so fucking centered right now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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