1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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