Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
