I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
