you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
