Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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