The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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