I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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