i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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