I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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