At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
