So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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