dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
