I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
