If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
