Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
