I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
