Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
