I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
