Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
