Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
