ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
