New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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