what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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