That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize