Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
