by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize