I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize