You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
