I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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