You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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