dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
