I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
