if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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