FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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