i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
