First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
