'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
