He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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