enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
